I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize