hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.