Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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