Apparently you make a good broom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.