Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane