well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?