meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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