I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class