Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.

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(217): View more from Illinois

just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just look for the house with the beer knights.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.

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(435): View more from Utah

he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

(732): View more from New Jersey

Career choice validated

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(850): View more from Florida

Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked

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(817): View more from Texas

Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.

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