Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.