Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.