Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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