Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
