Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
