I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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