the condom got lost in my hair
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
