ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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