I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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