So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
