The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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