Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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