I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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