I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
