I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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