my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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