I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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