i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
not ubering you a puppy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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