Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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