I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
