get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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