dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
