Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize