Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
