I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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