she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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