I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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