He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
