i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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