Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
