I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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