"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
