i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Little spoons don't ask big questions
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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