Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
