Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its liver damage thursday
Randomize