Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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