i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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