Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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