I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
