HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
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