Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
