Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
