operation harelip BJ is a go
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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