Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
