Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
