think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?