I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change