my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dating After Heartbreak
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties