It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.