Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?