Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet