how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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