I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
