She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
