She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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