go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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