I think im going to throw up on grandma
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...