I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma