Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.