Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much

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  (828): I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much http://tfl.nu/wzca
  Replies (14) Good night (1535) Bad night (2915)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea

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  (904): Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/h1b1
  Replies (18) Good night (5819) Bad night (1305)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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  (570): please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic http://tfl.nu/e8z4
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (2156)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.

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  (603): I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility. http://tfl.nu/wqgl
  Replies (13) Good night (2746) Bad night (1171)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick

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  (610): Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick http://tfl.nu/2y12
  Replies (0) Good night (652) Bad night (993)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.

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  (724): I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over. http://tfl.nu/3u0b
  Replies (7) Good night (1482) Bad night (573)
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  (619): View more from California

  Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done

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  (619): Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done http://tfl.nu/oq1m
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (382)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Hydrate.

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  (703): I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding.... (202): Hydrate. http://tfl.nu/62ve
  Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (391)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"

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  (971): no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack" http://tfl.nu/ruay
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (874)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.

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  (616): Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick. http://tfl.nu/ifwc
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (249)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  but you are a princess that one was appropriate.

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  (732): also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed. (1-732): but you are a princess that one was appropriate. http://tfl.nu/ns40
  Replies (0) Good night (586) Bad night (247)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy

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  (330): I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy http://tfl.nu/vj29
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (233)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party

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  (701): he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party http://tfl.nu/b7mb
  Replies (0) Good night (569) Bad night (230)
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  (209): View more from California

  Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.

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  (209): Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered. http://tfl.nu/p8yt
  Replies (0) Good night (653) Bad night (214)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.

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  (757): I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One. http://tfl.nu/azcx
  Replies (0) Good night (1166) Bad night (225)

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