She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids