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• (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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• (818): View more from California

  I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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• (518): View more from New York

  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.

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• (530): View more from California

  All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving

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